In an old, old Bullwinkle cartoon, Boris Badenov (the original Russian troll) recites a poem called “How to be Happy (Though Miserable),” and if any invitation to self-help sums up 2020 better, I don’t know what it is.
Remember March and April? The toilet paper scavenger hunts were kind of exciting. Mastering the art of sourdough seemed like a cool new skill. Wearing T-shirts during work hours felt so transgressive and delicious.
It’s not April anymore, and the fresh-bread smell wore off ages ago. We are not at the end of this slog. We’re lucky if we’re at the middle. Sure, we’ve worked out how to grocery shop, how to walk in the woods, when to break out the Purell, how to FaceTime and Zoom.
But as Boris Badenov foretold, we’re still miserable and just so tuckered out from hunkering down. Maybe it’s time for a reset.
Bear in mind that if you are working from home and monitoring school-age children, I’ve got nothing for you but pity and dread. I’d be on my way to Mars, with or without a rocket ship.
Nevertheless, your life can be a bit better right where you are. I promise I won’t tell you to eat better, exercise, lose weight, volunteer or quit your bad habits. You’re all grown up, and you can choose your own adventure. I also won’t swamp you with mottos such as “Have an attitude of gratitude,” or anything else you can buy inscribed on a wooden plaque at Buc-ee’s.
So here are some purely subjective tips. They work for me.
Edit your social media. I’ve pared my Twitter account down to cute animals, paleontology, local news, friends, astrology and comedians. As a result, I actually enjoy Twitter. So it’s OK to unfollow your cranky cousins on Facebook, cancel your too-happy-by-half ex-classmates on Instagram and never, ever figure out whatever the hell TikTok is.
Cultivate a healthy obsession (or two). Trust me on this one. The distinction between a diversion and an obsession is crucial. A diversion — say, Netflix — takes your mind off your current circumstance, but when you resurface, nothing has changed. A healthy obsession (and stalking an ex is not healthy) fundamentally restocks your brain, gives you new juice. Take a cue from the movie “Julie & Julia” and cook your way through a famous collection of recipes. Become a Prince completist. Collect rocks to construct a scale-model Stonehenge in your backyard. Take up serious birding — it’s easy to find an online ornithology course. In the words of the Renaissance philosopher Michel de Montaigne, “Obsession is the wellspring of genius and madness.” Pick genius.
Build the ridiculous into your routine. If no one is watching, no one knows you eat a macaron at precisely 10 a.m. every day. Or that each of your toenails is painted a different color. Or that you have an extensive collection of silly socks. (All right, if you follow me on Facebook you know this.) Or that you sing Malvina Reynolds songs to your cat. Frankly, nothing precludes you from doing silly things for the rest of your life.
This last tip is one I heard on talk radio, yet is nevertheless my favorite.
Figure out who you were as a child, and do that. Were you the kid who spent her childhood climbing trees? Surely Houston has some live oaks that can hold you. Did you construct, write and produce elaborate sock-puppet plays? Bet you have a kid in your life who would love to see one of your productions on FaceTime. When I thought about my own childhood, I remembered that I always had some kind of science or art project going, probably turning my mother’s kitchen upside down in the process. Well, it’s my kitchen now, and crazy windowsill experiments or making dyes out of onion skins still give me pleasure. Never again in this life will you have the time to rediscover your old young self; seize the chance.
So there you go. The only sure thing is that time passes, and someday, God willing, it will be 2021, and then 2030. Boris Badenov recited his prophetic poem fully 60 years ago.
You may well ask what Badenov’s advice was. Predictably, it was terrible. “Do something to someone today,” he said.
If there’s one thing we know in 2020, it’s that you shouldn’t take life advice from Russian trolls.
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November 05, 2020 at 11:00PM
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Maybe it’s time for a reset. How to be happy though miserable. - Houston Chronicle
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